A CHRISTMAS THAT'S GONE FOREVER.............

I'm sure it goes without saying that I have been hurting over these holidays... my boys have been hurting, my ex has been hurting, the family is hurting. I do hope Ayn was able to find some happiness today, I hope she was sufficiently distracted to recall the nightmare she is trapped within. I cannot, in fact I would not even if I could, I need to know this feeling. 

Each Christmas around the world people gather together for gift giving and great meals; they tell stories, share laughter and embrace those they hold dearest. These are days I do not get back.... ever. I can and will be having great celebrations upon Ayn's return however these days are gone...nearly 200 now. On its face it would seem that the worst thing about this is having your child taken but it isn't. The worst thing is being powerless to get them back, it is the indifference shown by a powerful bureaucracy and how it disregards care and logic for policy and salaries. 

There is no reason for keeping this girl from her family, but they don't care, they have her and this is simply their function so they perform it. To them this is just how it is, they feign kindness, they feign caring... but the reality is they do not even know Ayn, they do not even care to know her.... how is it they can then claim to know what is best?? 

Child Protection Services is not a person, it is a faceless abstract created by us, the people for whom it supposed to serve. We create and fund these entities under the notion that children need to be protected... but that is where it ends for most of us... with a notion. We do not read the laws, we do not learn the policies, we do not examine audits; in short we do not take the time to see if it is working. We rest on the assumption that because its purpose was pure and its function is good that everything must be ok.... well its not ok. And if I could give people anything this Christmas it would be courage to change these things. 

I don't think people ever sat and imagined what would happen if this institution we created to protect children became so bureaucratic and policy driven that it did not take the time to actually thoughfully examine what might be best for a family. they get over 1 000 000 000 dollars a year here in BC.... they still have never bothered to determine how my daughter behaved in the home, nary a question to that effect. Do we understand what that means, when an organization that powerful can remove children without even having to consider how the child was in the home. And yet it continues to be funded it and we continue to look away.... seeking comfort in the original notion... children need to be protected.

I still have two children and now I have the knowledge that there exists this institution which can march in and kidnap your child at the whim of someone who does not even know you... this is not something that sits well... When they took my daughter I didn't know what to do, I only knew that it was wrong. I love my children and would never harm them, I have sought to learn the most I can about their disability and to try to understand them and how best to treat them.... but they still took her anyway. They did not spend an hour of thought on my daughter or my family but felt that they had the authority to do this to people. I am fairly certain that they cannot keep her forever, but that may be simply me turning to another institution and the notion under which it was founded... Justice.

On this Christmas I hope everyone holds their loved ones closely and focuses on the happiness which they can bring to one another. 

I have spent the past few days giving some much needed attention to my boys Wyatt and Lyric, whom I would like to thank so much and to let everyone know how proud I am of them, they have both shown such great strength and character in the midst of all this strife. 

And to all of you who have supported me throughout this, I know I have thanked you all so many times and I do not want it to lose its lusture but please know that it has meant so much for me in this battle that there are others still out there for whom child protection is more than just a notion. That you all can put a face on those children and take some of your time to help fight for them is a wonderful thing... and hopefully it means that we as a people have not reached a point of apathy where we will sit idly by as noble concepts get ripped to shreds.

Please have a Merry Christmas everyone, do not lament in my sadness, find it as a reason to share your joys and loves with others whom you find worthy of it. Cherish them and each moment you have together. Time is fleeting but our love does not have to be. Thank you so much everyone, enjoy your holidays. I am going to go and hug my boys and look at pictures of my baby girl.

This little girl needs to be back

in her daddy’s arms.