Wednesday, November 30, 2011


Ok, finally some real good news, my proposal has gone through its final review... this time by an incredibly well respected Child Psychologist and they think it is very good. I will be submitting it tomorrow! Thank you everyone for your patience and know that it was this group and many of its members who have pushed hard for this approach, of getting professionals on board and now it has finally come to fruition and soon hopefully to completion... ie Ayn being held tightly in my arms. Woohoo! I needed some good news :)

Sunday, November 27, 2011


How often have you said or heard it said, “There are two sides to every story!” Most of us likely have life experiences that would indicate this to be true most of the time. I think we can be pretty sure that there are two sides to the story about Ayn Van Dyk being abducted from school, drugged and placed in foster care for now 165 days.

We know one side of the story and if you don’t yet you will by the time you read “PLEA FOR AYN”, Derek’s updates and other blog entries here. But this is only one side of the story and you may not be believing it without hearing the other side of the story.

This is a true story.

Child Protective Services takes a child into custody we suppose, and have always believed, because the child needs protection. However this would not seem to be so in this case as CPS has left the two sons of Derek Hoare (one who is autistic) in his capable and loving care. They have no questions about his parenting skills or the safety of the boys.

Yes, Ayn did wander away to a neighbours yard several days before she was abducted from school by CPS but that couldn’t be the reason for their concern as she has wandered from foster care more frequently (twice in a month) than she did from home and she was not removed from the foster home. Actually one time she wandered while in respite care from the foster home. The second time she climbed out a small bathroom window in the foster home. At the time she was unsupervised while bathing so when she ran on the main street she was naked. The bathroom window was not locked as her father had advised would be necessary to ensure her safety.

We do know a bit about events of concern while Ayn has been in foster homes but we do not know the other side of the story yet. Even after 165 days, MCFD has not been forthcoming with their side of the story as to why Ayn is not at home with her family. Nor has Ayn's father or anyone else been able to speak on behalf of the family or Ayn. Perhaps this might happen on January 23 - Day 222 of Ayn's captivity!

This is a true story and truly an unbelievable story.

A child is suffering and being kept from her family. Her 10th birthday is in 17 days on December 14 and Christmas is 11 days later; two very special occasions for this family when they should all be celebrating together.

It is truly an unbelievable story.

Would someone, anyone, at MCFD please have the conscience, empathy and courage to step forward and do the right thing for this innocent little girl and her family?

We are all waiting to hear the other side of the story!

Let's bring the laughter and love back into this little one's life!

Friday, November 25, 2011


By Katrina Valentino

Edited and Photo Presentation by Ayn's Aunt Moy Harries

Monday, November 14, 2011


by Ron Unruh

Our hearts are touched by Derek Hoare’s broken heart and most of all by the bewildered agony that terrifies Derek’s nine year old daughter Ayn (pronounced Ine). After eighteen days of Ayn’s crying, the Ministry requested that Derek supply a photo of him and Ayn together. She has been carrying this around ever since. That was 4 ½ mont...hs ago. Those pretty blue eyes were filled with tears for eighteen days despite the injection of three drugs into her system. That’s how the ministry has cared for this child with an autism disorder. Seventy hours after seizing her MCFD began the drug treatment. Drugs were unnecessary and unwelcome in Derek’s home. He used compassion and conversation and caresses with Ayn. That works when Daddy does it. MCFD does not have the time, patience or sincere concern for that treatment. We are back to the question of ‘the best interests of the child’ about which it is progressively clearer that MCFD has little practical knowledge. MCFD is an administration not a family, an organization that manages a business, the intrusive and unwanted care of children that have been taken against the horror-struck objections of parents who find themselves bullied by a government that pretends to disdain bullying. Come on Premier Christy, pay attention to this case. I understand it is not customary for you to interfere in a specific case. If you choose to disregard Ayn and Derek, they and the rest of their family will suffer through the tangle of legalities and the crush of near bankruptcy. 

Derek has not been suspected of harming his child or neglecting her. Upon her apprehension, Ayn was assessed by a hospital that reported there is no indication of any injury, harm and maltreatment and she is well and healthy and autistic. MCFD knows that Derek is a devoted and diligent dad. The evidence is conspicuous. His reputation is incontestable. And poor Ayn, who had grown out of bedwetting, has resumed this involuntary display of inner panic. Where is her father? She must wonder every hour of every day. He has always been available. He is her guardian, protector, champion and liberator – forever. And she misses her brothers. This little family, a dad and three children, two of them autistic and nevertheless in love with one another, deserve to be together, and are in anguish as long as they are not together. Their mom, while separated from their dad, is wholly supportive of Derek and applauds his efforts as a father.
• Join the Facebook page entitled Help Bring little Autistic girl back to her daddy that now has 4327 members.
• Would you also kindly sign the petition that you can find here,

Please contact Derek Hoare directly at Derek Hoare
904-HELP AYN 904-435-7296




November 13 (Derek's Birthday)

Want to know what hurts the most about today? Ayn knows when my birthday is, Ayn knows when anyone's birthday she has ever heard is, she remembers them all... She knows the date... but she wasn't invited to a party and certainly did not get to host one for me. I love you Ayn. She used to listen to this version of the gummy bear song just because it mentions my birthday and she would pause it right after it says it, and look at me and laugh.

Admin Note: Ayn's 10th birthday is in 27 more days. What a gift it would be for the family to celebrate this day together with Ayn living at home again. MCFD could easily make this happen, so we have to hope they will see the light, have the empathy needed and do the right thing very, very soon.

November 10

Had an incredibly difficult evening, Wyatt and me decided to tidy up the garage and began to stumble across memory after memory. Over the years I have kept so many of Ayn's precious things; from notes, cards and artwork, to hair, baby teeth and tiny articles clothing. Was unbelievably painful, we spent the evening together, and in many ways Ayn was there too. Eventually along with Lyric we passed out in the living room. This morning has been very hard as well, though no tears have been shed yet. It feels like a death, her beautiful sing song voice echoes in my head.... "Daddy I want a treat!", "Tickle mee Daddy!"....."It's ok Daddy, everything is going to be ok.". So much for no tears. Going to spend a couple hours hugging my son and trying to explain to him how it is that the world is not just a scary place. That though pocked with pain and sadness it is full of joy and triumph as well. I'll be back soon.

Nov. 4

My daughter Ayn was removed from her school by the Ministry of Children and Family Development of B.C. on June 16, 2011. I was told it was to ease my burden of responsibility but this action has had an opposite affect. It has been more than four and a half months since she was apprehended.

On December 14th ten years ago when I laid eyes on her for the first time in the delivery room, my heart was hers. I have given my all for her. I would never harm her, nor have I been accused of such. I have dedicated my life to nurture and understand her.

She has been torn from her family for no apparent reason other than a perception that she was an unmanageable, deteriorating child and that far from the truth. Ayn is a wonderful caring child. It is true that she is autistic and that she has a difficulty explaining what she wants but she has an astute understanding of body language and she has a very strong will. Although Ayn is verbal and possesses a large vocabulary, she still struggles to share with others her desires, fears, and thoughts. Presently, she continues to ask for me and she continues to assert that I am coming. She knows I would not abandon her. Yet the Ministry of Children and Family Development continues to keep her from my care and custody.

On Oct 18 the government sought court approval for temporary custody for 90 days. I refused to consent to this and since this is my continued stance, an effort will be made to determine if trial is necessary or whether mutual consent can be achieved between the parties. This step is called the Case Conference and has been scheduled over 90 days away.... on Jan 23rd. If this is the case, why ask for 90 days? Why even pretend to ask? My reasons for refusal will not be heard. I continue to wait for hearing after hearing, never being given the opportunity to even speak. At the conclusion of each meeting, another one is scheduled and in effect we are shuffled to the back of the line struggling to merge schedules to obtain the next suitable date.

While in care of the Ministry, Ayn has escaped twice in four months. At the second escape she was naked, drugged, wet and wandering as far as the "main street." Police were called and she was located and returned her to caregivers. Information is not provided to me, or, I receive what the MCFD chooses to tell me. I am frequently told, "It is under investigation." However, considering that the first escape incident was months ago one should assume that something is known by now? How difficult can the investigation be about whether in her drugged condition Ayn was being watched under the care of a 15 year old fellow foster child? How much more investigation is required to determine why the window of the bathroom in which Ayn was bathing was not locked?

When the MCFD is purportedly educated to identify emotional abuse, why can abuse be ignored when MCFD is the actual source of that abuse? At home Ayn was in no greater danger than her disability naturally initiates. I am asking that she be returned to my care immediately. If MCFD is obliged to investigate then expedite that inquiry rather than separating us for over four months already with no social worker as yet asking me how Ayn was when she was in the family home, the very place from which she is being withheld. She has been returned to the school where the "deterioration" was observed. She has been returned to the foster care home from which she has twice escaped.

MCFD has offered to me unsupervised access effective immediately and yet MCFD will not return Ayn to me. This is a nightmarish power struggle for our family with an institution whose stated function is family development and whose guiding principles are: "a family is the preferred environment for the care and upbringing of children and the responsibility for the protection of children rests primarily with the parents" (CFCSA 2b) and "decisions relating to children should be made and implemented in a timely manner" (CFCSA 2g).

I have devoted my life to my children and I continue to care for my sons, one of whom is also autistic. I do this cheerfully and have never once complained about the complexities and problems I face raising two severely autistic kids. All three children and most certainly the two autistic children are happy and thriving children and there is nothing to suggest otherwise.

I am angry. I am in pain. I suffer and yet the truth is that this does not matter – Rather, my daughter Ayn is all that matters. This young girl does not deserve this traumatic interruption. Instead, she should be viewed as a citizen in the same sense as you or I, and as the social workers involved in her case and as the different judges who are giving oversight to this process. However, she is being treated like property. The sadness she experiences because of my absence from her is used against me as is my advocacy for her to get proper services. During all this time she sits in a basement wondering where her family has gone and not understanding what has happened or why. She may wonder whether she did something wrong, or whether we don’t want her anymore. She has no capacity to comprehend the Ministry's legal squabble. She knows only that she has been forcefully removed from those whom she loved and who love her and with whom she has be every day of her life before this horror. Is the horror to be regarded as acceptable because Ayn has been placed with various caregivers who are nice people? It is still not commendable that good people do the wrong things. Even caregivers are uninformed as is the public and as am I. So now we wait, past her December 14th birthday, past Christmas and New Year, for a “Case Conference” in which I will still not have opportunity to argue for her return. Instead I will receive a scheduled date when that will happen, a date which in all probability will be a year or more away. Of course this cannot be what our community expected when we created this child welfare institution.

Please help to tell Ayn’s story and thereby help her to come home. She is very special. She is a sweetheart. She needs to be with me her daddy, with her mommy and with her brothers. We love her so dearly. I will never concede, or all of this will have been for nothing and the net result will be a little disabled girl who will never know why or when she could be snatched again.

Derek Hoare


Sunday, November 13, 2011


by Ron Unruh
The Ministry of Children and Family Development (MCFD) has exhibited its already notorious failure to abide by its own policy and legal timelines in the case of Ayn Van Dyk. Ayn is ten years old and... she is autistic. The policy which both empowers MCFD and gives direction to its operations is called Child, Family and Community Services Act. CFCSA specifies clear timelines for speedy processing. Speed has not characterized the way Ayn’s case has been handled following her removal. Ayn’s father Derek Hoare is presently in the centre of this agency’s ineptitude. Assembled below is a clip of dum-dum bullets.

• MCFD’s Failure to comply with timelines is true in Derek’s and Ayn’s case but not unique to their case but corroborated repeatedly in the experiences of other parents and children.
• Ayn was heavily drugged soon after her apprehension without reference to a medical history from her father. MCFD prevented doctors from communicating with Derek. Although CFCSA expects medical documentation to be delivered to the parent, Derek has not received that.
• The separation of a child from her parents and siblings is governed by specific directives and timelines, but Ayn was not granted visitation with a parent for two months. Without physical or mental anguish concerns about the father relative to his child, MCFD has generated excessive anguish for this family.
• The Presentation Hearing must begin within seven days of a child’s removal. Ayn’s Presentation Hearing was three months late. Ayn was removed on June 16, 2011 and her Presentation Hearing was not held until September 1 and followed up September 26. “Article 34 (1) No later than 7 days after the day a child is removed under section 30, the director must attend the court for a presentation hearing.”
• A Case Conference is a formal meeting at court with the judge to see if a solution can be reached without proceeding to a protection hearing. The Case Conference results when at Presentation a parent does not agree with the SW’s application for a court order. If there is not progress toward agreement, then there is further delay as a court date for a Protection Hearing is scheduled.
• 98% of parents do not get their children back at this stage in a case, even when it is evident that the child’s removal was inappropriate. A temporary supervision order by the presiding judge would have been the preferred option.
• The Protection Hearing is late, already five months late as of Nov 11th, 2011 and the next court appearance is not until January 23, 2012. This hearing should have technically happened by August 14. And if you mark 45 days from MCFD’s deferred Presentation Hearing date of September 26 the Protection hearing should be no later than November 17th. “Article 37 (1) At the conclusion of a presentation hearing under section 33.2, 35 or 36 (2), the court must set the earliest possible date for a hearing to determine if the child needs protection, or confirm any date previously set for the protection hearing, unless the court has made. Article 37 (2) The date set under subsection (1) for commencing the hearing must not be more than 45 days after the conclusion of the presentation hearing, and the hearing must be concluded as soon as possible.” “Article 42.1.(7) When an interim order is made under subsection (6), the court must set a date, not more than 45 days after the conclusion of the presentation hearing, for a hearing to determine if the child was removed in accordance with section 42.”
• Derek took all reasonable precautions to safeguard and protect Ayn while he cared for her and still she wandered from her back yard not defiantly but curiously as a product of her autism. She was removed from her own father. Two foster parents did not prevent Ayn from wandering from foster care even though she has been medicated for many weeks with anti-psychotic drugs. She was returned to foster care.
• MCFD possesses unilateral ability to return Ayn to Derek’s care but typically makes an offer of a graduated return over a four month period, even though MCFD took the child in one swift action without first notifying Ayn’s father.
• Derek demonstrates to MCFD a cooperative spirit to plan for Ayn’s future care. Now MCFD has proposed resources far superior to those he was given while she was in his earlier care.
• Derek’s and MCFD’s opinions about Ayn’s care differ dramatically, that is, love and attention contrasted with mood controlling drugs.
• MCFD’s stated intent to affect assessments with regard to Ayn and any valid reason to retain her have not been conducted and there are no plans to do so, so no reason exists to retain her in government care.

Saturday, November 12, 2011


by Ron Unruh
Justice does not mean treating everyone the same way but rather treating people appropriately. Neither Ayn Van Dyk who carries her mother’s surname nor her father Derek Hoare who is her primary caregiver and legal custodial parent, have been treated appropriately by the social workers and their immediate supervisors. That is, it means little that they hold meetings with Derek to mediate the parameters of a possible or an eventual return of this girl to her father’s immediate care, when the presenting issue was the Ministry’s avoidable removal of the child from his care and his home. That was inappropriate treatment.
To look after one’s own child should not require special pleading of human rights language but it definitely has in a case like Ayn’s, an autistic child of nine years of age, soon to be ten. To be made to bear personal responsibility for autistic manifestations at a public school and for a characteristic wanderlust from one’s backyard that warrants a physical apprehension and removal by strangers and a separation from the family who give meaning to her life is beyond scandalous. It is wicked. It is the epitome of incompetence.
Fair-minded people find no justification in the mission and policy of the Ministry of Children and Family Development, for seizing this particular child, defaulting to a hasty drug behavioural control program, placing her in environments and with people with whom she is unfamiliar, and distressing her so she carries a photo of her father everywhere and kisses that image in lieu of the real face, and is tortured by the knowledge that she can’t be with her dad and her brothers whom she adores.
This is not appropriate treatment and it is therefore not justice.

Friday, November 11, 2011

A Public Information Release - Ayn Van Dyk

By Ron Unruh in Help Bring little Autistic girl back to her daddy ·
A Public Information Release Ayn Van Dyk November 11, 2011

On June 16, 2011 Derek Hoare experienced the unthinkable shock of learning that his nine year old daughter Ayn had been removed from her school by the Ministry of Children and Family Services (MCFD). He was informed that the action was designed to ease his load of responsibility but in fact it created an intolerable burden. Four and one half months have passed since their separation. It is crucial for readers to know that Derek continues to provide care for his two sons, one of whom is also autistic and he has never complained to anyone about the complexities or problems of raising three children, two of whom are severely autistic. He has done this cheerfully for years and all three children are happy and thriving.

Ayn will celebrate her tenth birthday on December 14th but not with her family. When she was born and Derek saw her for the first time, his heart was hers. Since that day in 2001 Derek has given all he is for her. He is not accused of harming her. In fact his life has been dedicated to nurturing and understanding her. Ayn is autistic.

Ayn has been torn from her family for no apparent reason other than a perception that she was an unmanageable, deteriorating child and that far from the truth. On June 12th she climbed a backyard fence and stopped in a neighbour’s yard to play but she could not be found until three hours later. Ayn is not out of control. She is a wonderful caring child. Being autistic, she does have difficulty explaining what she wants but she has an astute understanding of body language and she has a very strong will. Although Ayn is verbal and possesses a large vocabulary, she still struggles to share with others her desires, fears, and thoughts.

Presently in foster care, Ayn asks for her father constantly and she continues to affirm that he is coming. She is confident that her daddy would not abandon her. Yet the Ministry of Children and Family Development continues to keep her from his care and custody. On Oct 18 the MCFD sought court approval for temporary custody for 90 days. In Derek’s communication with MCFD he is met by repeated procedural delays. It is yet to be determined whether a court trial will be required to settle this case. The Case Conference is scheduled for January 23, 2012.

When Ayn was living in her father’s home she was in no greater danger than her disability naturally initiates or expects. Since Ayn was apprehended following her absence from her family premises, it is a conspicuous observation to note that while she has been in Ministry care she has been heavily medicated (drugged) and yet has twice escaped in the past four months. Her second escape occurred during her bathing time and she was later found naked and wandering near a main street. She was recovered and returned to foster care. It is reasonable to query why the MCFD can absolve the caregivers for inadequate safety precautions while maintaining a punitive posture to Derek and Ayn.

It is of interest to note that the Ministry’s own policy document states "a family is the preferred environment for the care and upbringing of children and the responsibility for the protection of children rests primarily with the parents" (CFCSA 2b) and "decisions relating to children should be made and implemented in a timely manner" (CFCSA 2g). CFCSA stands for Child, Family and Community Services Act.

Derek is angry and in pain and yet discounts his own agony because in his mind Ayn is all that matters in this case. She does not deserve to experience this traumatic interruption to normalcy. She does deserve to be treated as a significant citizen with rights. She shouldn’t have to be troubled with thoughts of whether she did something very wrong or whether her family does not want her any longer. She has no capacity to comprehend the Ministry's legal squabble. She knows only that she has been forcefully removed from those whom she loved and who love her and with whom she has be every day of her life before this horror. So now they wait, past Ayn’s December 14th birthday, past Christmas and New Year, for a “Case Conference” in which Derek will still not have opportunity to argue for Ayn’s return. Instead he will receive a scheduled date when that will happen, a date which in all probability will be a year or more away. Of course this cannot be what our community expected when we created this child welfare institution. MCFD could give Ayn back to her daddy right now.

Please help to tell Ayn’s story and thereby help her to come home. She is very special. She is a sweetheart. She needs to be with me her daddy, with her mommy and with her brothers. They love her so dearly.

Derek Hoare

Sunday, November 6, 2011


by Ron Unruh ©

“It’s pernicious” is what I said.
There seems no better word for what they do,
these snatchers guised as guardians.
A pretext it has become, this protection of a child
when the youngster safe and happy is detached
by strangers.

“It’s insidious” I say to portray the taking of a child
without the knowledge of her parents
frenzied and fuming at the abuse of their child
and their own liberties.
What right can squash parental rights with impunity
when due diligence and fairness are derelict
and justice seems a stranger on a democratic soil.

“It’s sinister” I proclaim to parents of all children
because their own fears mount with the mention
of the protectors’ names.
This is not the only child to be taken
for her best interests don’t you see.
Free she was and alert although unpredictable.
She seems a stranger now, deeply drugged but controlled.

Pernicious, insidious, sinister do you now agree
are the appropriate descriptors for her abductors.
She is not at home because she wandered, oh but
she is a precious girl, precocious and autistic
and therefore apt to wander.
This is punishment not protection and perhaps she thinks
that she did something terrible. Why not, since the captors
have never inquired about the health of the family.
Strangers to justice they are – these takers.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

November Is A Month For Remembering

In November we take time to remember all those who have fought so that we might live in Peace with Freedom. We especially remember all those who have fought in wars for this effort and all who supported their efforts working here in Canada. Let us not forget.

In keeping with the theme of Remembrance I would like to present an idea to remember those loved ones who have died, that we know surely would have wanted to support the efforts to bring Ayn home; to have her with her family who will provide her with the Peace and Freedom that is so rightfully hers and that has been stolen from her.

Here we can write a note in honor of a loved one; perhaps someone whose influence in your life has brought you here to this group, to support Derek and Ayn.

Write your personal Remembrance note in a comment and I will add them to the blog every morning.

Perhaps you would also like to make a donation to Ayn's Freedom Fund in memory of the loved one you write about; it can be any amount and your choice of payment method (see for this information)

We will continue this for the month of November.

In memory of my friend Hugh Hale, who died on Oct. 29, 1992,, who introduced me to “autism” 28 years ago I would like to donate $20.00 to Ayn’s Freedom Fund.............Jean Nicol

In memory of my mother Mary Nicol, who died Dec. 12, 1994 and who I know would have wanted to make this donation of $20.00 to Ayn’s Freedom Fund.................Jean Nicol

Derek's October Updates

CONTACT DEREK 904-HELP AYN 904-435-7296
October 29

Wow a whole week went by and no MCFD.... pretty bad when that becomes the norm. Strange cars pull in and Wyatt hides, Lyric has now set up a photo album of him and Ayn on the window sill in her bedroom which he now occupies. And I cannot stop staring at her photo which is now mounted directly above my monitor. I'll stare and ponder what is the next most important thing for me to read or write.

It seems to me really that the sluggish time factor is likely some sort of psychological mindgame against parents, like they are forcing you through the stages of grief; hoping to push you into "acceptance". Monstrous really, but they don't know Ayn and they certainly do not know Me, I will not relent and the longer they take the angrier I get... to tear a child from a parent and feed them both into a system which they believe will break that bond they have spent years forming... grrr. For me that bond grows stronger, because each minute is another little wound inflicted upon me and my family.

So it's like CPS is saying - "You guys sit and wait while we mess with your heads and hearts"... she is innocent eh... she did nothing to you... she is just a little disabled girl, who wants to live life. She does not understand how her actions could ever lead to such a thing as this. And then they expect the parents to just sit and watch it happen, to just let them tinker with their child's psyche. And for what?? They have some 4 year degree and now they know what is in "the best interest" of children? Did they study BioChem, Physics, Philosophy, Epistemology; No, they went to a lax 4 year degree and now have some belief that they are the voices for children. After an education like that you would think they would walk away realizing "family dynamics", were just that dynamic. Did they wipe our kids noses, hold their hair while they were puking, rock them to sleep, sing or read to them, laugh/cry/smile/suffer... were they even there? For them to simply assume that two disabled kids must be too hard for a single parent to handle and then act upon that nonsensical assumption... under the guise of help! We the People do not know this is what they are even doing! Before this ever happened you assume they are rescuing kids who are beaten, or tortuously punished. But to come and kidnap a child under the guise of lightening a parents load! BY WHAT RIGHT? None of us here have that right, imagine your neighbour walking in this afternoon and doing that.... criminal... so how is it we have delegated that power to them? We haven't, they simply wrote themselves a note "CFCSA" authorizing them to do it. grrr

Ayn is a little girl who loves to bake, make crafts, sing and listen to music, nice warm baths, curling up under her favourite blanket and watching a movie, taking pictures and playing Tickle Chase. She is not some uncontrollable monster as they would like to present. They can go ahead and portray her as such the only thing revealed by such a presentation is their ignorance. She was a good girl with a suffusing disability, but it did not stop her from trying, it did not stop her from learning, it did not stop her from loving... and it did not stop her from being a happy little girl. Let my Daughter be! these actions are monstrous, and to do them using nice people and in the name of "help" makes them no better. Go ahead and feed the public form responses and evade responsibility for your actions... no-one will ever notice the misguided inststutional ineptitude... right? Wrong.

October 27

Wow what a busy day; tons of details to sort out, Wyatt is ill, Lori Pynn just blew me away, and I just got back from grabbing Lou from the bus stop.... ahhh parenting :) Funny y'know because immerse ourselves in our kids lives and face one challenge after the next, each with their own set of tribulations and rewards. To have others look in on your life and take no time to understand where you have come from and where you are going on that journey we call Family, and then based on those ignorant assumptions impose upon you what they perceive is "best" is an absolutely outlandish sense of justice. It is both scary and dismaying to think that I wasn't the first to go through this and will not be the last. It seems so critical that people wake up to this reality of a system so misguided it has rendered itself to be the very aggressor it was meant to protect us from.

Oct 19

Well this was certainly emotionally one of the hardest days for me to go through... it is indescribable, a rush of different emotions laced together by one thread... propensity to cause suffering. Now many may find it strange because.... well let me start from the beginning.

I awoke this morning from the first dream ever of Ayn being returned.... it was late at night, perhaps 10, and Wyatt began yelling "She's here!" or "She's home!" I said "What?!" and ran down the stairs unlocked the front door and sure enough there was Ayn accompanied by two people... I burst into tears and hugged her tighly as she did me.

"I missed you." I said. "I missed you" she replied.

We went in and upstairs and very shortly after I awoke, it was so vivid it took a few disapponting seconds to realize it was not the truth.

After getting Lyric off to school (and Wyatt having gone to Amie's yesterday), I had a few moments to try to collect my thoughts and prep mentally for the upcoming meeting with the SW.

Now it began with essentially me clearing the last hurdle to Ayn's return, visitation, an elation to be sure. After yesterday hearing that my suggested alternatives to visitation were rejected, today my offer of a "fixed return date" was accepted and I believed an agreement could be reached. For about an hour and a half ideas were tossed around and details discussed. When we reached the: ok so what date could be done, pen was put to paper... and the response was 16 weeks.... I dropped silent... closed my eyes and began to cry.

Consolement was offered as was the assurance that they were trying to help and understood that I was a "stand up guy". This essentially ended the meeting as I was unable to continue.

We meet again Friday. Now the 16weeks was the longest end of the timeframe, and the one they would commit to, it was asserted that likely it would be sooner. As early as 10 weeks.... 2 and a half more months. still putting it into January, missing her birthday, missing christmas... though she could visit on those days. So what to do, what to do? I collected my thoughts and tried to step outside this bubble I'm in and see what way was best to proceed.

Received tons of advice and perspectives; still not sure "what to do"... but getting closer.

Oct 18

Arg having a hard time getting myself to remember to sit down and write these on time... I'm bad. I will set an alarm in my phone to remind me; 11:30 pm.

So this was court day, much anticipated though I was working off the assumption that it was pointless... an accurate assumption it turns out. I kept Lyric home today with the faint hope that there could be a move to return. But my understanding was that if I refused to consent to their request to a 90 day temporary custody that a case conference would be ordered to see if the two sides could come together avoiding a distant and lengthy trial.

I arrived and saw no-one there I knew... Amie hadn't arrived yet, my lawyer was nowhere in sight, nor Amie's... nobody. After entering the courthouse two group members arrived and we headed into the courtroom. I saw Amie's lawyer and MCFD's lawyer as well as the SW... still no sign of my lawyer. The hearing lasted about 10 seconds.... I did get to speak my first "word" ever in court... "ya", when asked if it was me who was present. Surreal first word and over many months in!

After the hearing, I spoke with the SW where I was informed that my visitation recommendations were rejected, to which I set up an appt for tomorrow morning to discuss. I was also informed that Ayn had again escaped from care.... this time from the foster home, while taking a bath she climbed out a 12" by 12" window 7 ft off the ground. So naked and drugged she ran off, making it to the "main street", the police were called and she was found, wrapped in a blanket and returned to the foster home. I will not be made aware of any details until at the earliest upon completion of the investigation, in fact neither will the SW of my case. And even once they find out there is no obligation to inform me of the findings. I still have yet to hear any result from her previous escape months ago, nor on the issue of the fellow child in care watching Ayn; a 15yr old, who states that she worked the night shift with Ayn and did medicate her.

This whole thing has just been surreal like a nightmare that you never wake up from... you wake up to it.

Oct 14

I have been reading much of my written work on here, and acknowledge the political nature of much of it. I also recognize that many may not view this as a political action as I do. In fact many may retreat from the very notion of politics; I am a political animal, we all are. I do think in those terms and I do see the coercive nature of these actions levied upon my daughter and myself (amongst others). I cannot separate the two as they are inseparable, this could not have happened in a different political environment.

The pervasive belief has become one in which everything is up for a vote... I believe in inalienable rights. I believe this action simply is not one which is up to them, I care not what note they wrote themselves to say they are allowed.. some things are simply not up to them. The governments rightful function is to defend our rights, not to take care of us, but to keep us free from coercion so that we may take care of ourselves. This stance has of course become marginalized as more and more we witness the government's role in our lives expanding.

Ayn is a victim of a political decision, a view that we are servants of the government rather than it a servant of us.

Did my daughter need help? Yes, of course, all children need help.... was she getting the help she needed?

They do not care, her life was ignored, all that mattered was the uninformed opinion of one social worker, a woman who had never met my daughter and never cared how Ayn was doing in the home. She read some school reports thought oh boy this is concerning and then attempted to force their "help" upon us in the form of a "voluntary care agreement". This is the reality we face, this is how "voluntary" is viewed by the system, akin to a mugger asking you to voluntarily hand over your wallet.

But don't worry cause if we all give him our wallets it will be fine.... right?  Wrong.

Oct 13

I surround myself with things of Ayn's, her sheets are on my bed, her photo placed directly in my field of view by the computer, her mickey mouse toy beside me, her songs often playing, I read her words written on my walls which I have refused to wash off, wish I hadn't spend the hours washing the rest of her words off either, I would be surrounded by them now if I hadn't.

It is not that I am worried I'll forget her, or that I need inspiration... it is simply for comfort.... a physical manifestation of her presence in my mind. It really takes alot of rationalization to calmly proceed whilst this is being done to her, a parents urge is to rush to their child, danger be damned. This is of course impossible because now I am facing kidnapping by the State, and they are unmatched in their ability to use force, those institutions conceived to defend our rights, have become aggressive violators of them.

So I sit, I plan, I prepare, but I cannot go get my daughter.

I hear many many people say just do what they tell you and it will be fine.... really... where is the logic in this statement?? Has that worked in the past? Do people not see the fallacy in that statement? How has subservience to the State worked to benefit mankind in the past? If I were to adopt that tenet Ayn would not be any safer from this... we cannot succumb to apathy, and I sure hope we haven't been so beaten that we will allow strangers to come and take and drug our children. If no-one stands up and says "no this is wrong!"... how is it we expect it to change?

Obedience does not inherently culminate in safety or everything being "fine". We often defer to others on decisions where we understand our limited expertise, but when that deference is forced upon an entire populous, we are in alot of trouble.

The liberty my daughter has lost is not isolated... this is not just one little retarded girl... this is an encompassing decision that must be recognized and resisted. I love her, I will not give up on her just as I love that which is good in humanity and will not give up on it. I love life, apathy is my enemy, I will obey no-one.

I do what I'm told out of reason not coercion.

Oct 12

Was Wyatt's birthday today, we spent alot of time together, talked about Ayn and what we would do once she was back home. Tried to get him to focus on what was in his power to change or improve upon, that Ayn will be coming home and we will do everything we can to ensure that something like this never happens again. He has such a beautiful and pure sense of right and wrong, but does not understand the sociological nuances of empowering that which is right without allowing coercion to simply persist.

A lot of people understand right and wrong but do not understand that to force someone to be "right" is in itself wrong.

I hope to continue this fight long after Ayn is returned so that she nor any other has to face this sort of treatment in the future. It is not what is being done to Ayn that is wrong, so much as why and how. There are children who may benefit from this, but that decision should be left up to the family not forced upon an entire populous... though not every one of us will ever be subjected to it, we are living with a system which believes it has the right to do this to its people against their will.... The system is wrong, we built it, we support it, and we can abolish it.

To replace a tyranny of the minority with a tyranny of the majority is still tyranny.

My daughter is being held against her will and mine, all with the intent on making her more manageable, to force "help" upon her... all the while acknowledging they do not know her and do not even care to hear about her... yet they know best and I can sit down shut up and wait my turn. grr

Oct 11

Arg I missed two days again, bad too because I have been up late and could have made the time, but it slips my mind when prioritizing on the fly. Well here now. Was a good day for me made progress on several levels, and thought over a lot of things.

Tomorrow I will try to assemble a list of each thing I would like to accomplish prior to the 18th, won't likely be able to get it all done, but will juggle through what I can. Have to simultaneously begin to set up ABA programs, in two locations... now one being in the home that is no prob, however exactly how I go about implementing a program for Ayn in a household I haven't met will be rather hard.

Regardless of my stance on Ayn I am going to have to meet the FP soon I think, not sure how else to do it. These programs are a significant priority and I would like to get as much done on them as possible by myself before the consultant arrives. Have met some great people on the group to help with this... I hope they're ready for me to pester them.

I am very excited about these programs as for so many years I have wanted this sort of thing, but never have been financially able. I remember back when we were running the under six programs for Ayn and Lyric in the home 30 hrs per week... we used Michelle Auton who had been battling the government over providing necessary therapy for her autistic son. Was quite the primer for what was to come, have been fearful of what services would be available to them as they entered into school.
Our funding is cut under the guise that the school is too make up the slack, the reality is that schools do not match up to intensive ABA, not their fault per se, they are simply not provided the resources to accomplish the task. They too struggle tooth and nail for many kids to get more services or to get help with situations they lack the expertise to address.

Ayn's school was filled with dedicated caring people, but they could scarcely get access to any expert services for her... this has to be fixed. A condition which is clearly a medical one yet gets treated as a problem for the schools... almost every year I am in to see a doctor to have them sign another form saying my kids are autistic, yet their therapy is not covered under our medical system. Yet they will quickly involve the medical community to drug them, clearly by force if necessary when the school proves to be unable to cope with certain autistic behaviours like violence or self injury... scary... frustrated...things must change.

Oct 8

Not a lot to report for this day as the previous days events have still not fully sunk in or been analyzed in totality... I am very grateful to everyone on the Group who have really poured a lot of their hearts and minds into this. It helps so much to be able to think things through with so many contributing perspectives.

Still not sure how to proceed so the day was spent trying to continue the thought process started yesterday.

I did somehow sleep for 10 1/2 hrs last night more than I have gotten in 20yrs... mind you this isn't a complaint really... as I choose not to sleep, I so much prefer consciousness and it seems that there is so much to learn and experience who has time for sleep :) . So rested and driven I proceed.

Oct 6

Well it was quite the rollercoaster today, feeling a bit uplifted because the programs and resources being offered to Ayn and Lyric are generous, temporal but generous. My role in setting up these programs is being respected and I believe if properly implemented will be of great benefit to them both. I was accepted today as well into the at home program for Lyric which is additional resources also being allocated towards proper treatment.

The IEP meeting though seemingly important is actually fairly inconsequential as I have done so many now and never have a big problem getting the school to focus on what I feel is important for the kids, not that they are always successful but they do generally word the IEP such that I agree with the stated goals. I presume tomorrow will be no different. May be awkward as I also presume the foster mother could be there as will the staff whom I know well and who have been up until tomorrow not allowed to discuss her with me.

The day then took a big 180 when Amie arrived after her visit and informed me she was told and provided paperwork indicating that they would not return Ayn to me without me first visiting. To be honest it still has not been fully processed by my brain. When I first found out I immediately began thinking about its significance, and was quite saddened, I then received a phone call from a group member and though upset we spoke and she helped to calm and redirect me. Since then I have been rather busy and though I know the wheels are turning inside my head about it all I have not had the opportunity to sit and ponder it at length. 

The rest of the documents are positive steps towards return and future support, and I no longer see a reference to a psychiatric assessment, not sure why that is. There is mention of the medication and that they will be seeking a 90 TCO in order to implement their goal: a return to me.

And so now I ponder... what to do... what will be said to me tomorrow?

A day full of meetings, I will be meeting three separate people with the SW who will then also be bringing me to the IEP meeting and home....

and all this will begin presumably with them telling me that if I do not see her they won't return her.

Oct 5

Continued the sorting of all my photos, keepsakes, and old paperwork. Found some interesting POPARD reports and many of Ayn's precious writings. Will scan a bunch in this weekend and get them posted for everyone. It is very hard to look through those items, yet at the same time it is incredibly inspirational. I am quite literally falling asleep sitting here writing this (2:38 am) I will finish it up in the morning.

Oct 4
Never enough hours in the day, with so much to do and consciousness so rewarding, sleep seems to be a daily foe. Am getting up at 5:30-5:45 these days, have to get Lou up no later than 6:30 and be out the door to walk him to the bus by 7:15. Wyatt has taken a strong turn for the sciences this year, focusing on cell biology, energy technology, and chemistry.

As of late I have been working out the details of running a program, for Lyric and Ayn. One which I am to set up both in the home for lyric and in the fosterhome for Ayn. Significant resources have been made available to me by MCFD for this endeavour, and I'd like to set up the best program I can for the money. 

Judicially things as always are creeping along, next hearing on the 18th and I believe it is the commencement of the protection hearing/process. Not really sure what exactly happens at it to be honest, which in itself is frustrating... they have your child, your told to sit and wait your turn throughout this long and tedious process... and one which really I do not even understand. I think a case conference will be scheduled at that time and I believe the MCFD either returns or asks for a TCO (temporary custody order), but again I really couldn't say for sure.

Mediation has also been put forth and our informal meetings have been based on her return... the biggest impediment to a prompt return at this point seems to be this psychiatric assessment they want completed. When removed, their plan was to place her into P1 residential psychiatric for a minimum 6wk assessment, though they knew I disapproved and that I maintain Ayn is autistic and autistic only. Around 6 weeks after removal the MCFD autism specialist got to view her file and advised against placing her in P1 (thank you). They however have not relented and have instead opted to do the assessment on an outpatient basis, I am not at all aware of how that process is proceeding.

Closing in on 2am, and still a ton of reading to do, will fall asleep doing so.

Oct 3

Been far too long since I wrote an update just been swamped with so much preparation, I will endeavour to write an update each night at 11:30 even if brief. All the different facets of having a child removed keep you ever switching gears... and emotions.

Today I was pouring through boxes in my garage, searching for a book, and gathering any pertinent old paperwork, have so many photos and pieces of artwork, baby teeth, first hair cuts, homemade birthday cards and ornaments. Was absolutely heartwrenching. Still have to sort through it too... it almost feels like she's dead.

That my little girl who didn't come home from school that day, never will come home the same again. I am not sure if one can imagine the sadness and fury which something like that would invoke... the lengths and hours I have spent protecting and nuturing her... the innocence of a wild animal. And this being done in the name of "helping" us, my daughter is too wild for them to handle, they don't want to put in the time to get to know her or... get her to know them, to develop a sense of shared empathy.

I know it will be Ayn who returns, but there will be something more, a view of the world which no child should have to perceive. I will have to spend countless hours just trying to make her feel safe evermore, I could not imagine walking around throughout my day, believing that at any moment people could grab me and lock me up in a huge, sterile, unknown building and inject me... drug me... not tell me what is happening, what I did, why I am here, where is my family, when can I go home?

I really cannot stress enough how close Ayn and me are... these people have no idea what they have done... what it is they are trying to destroy. And to try to do it under the guise of good intentions and the rule of law. Reminds me of the Orwell line from Animal farm "All animals are equal... but some animals are more equal than others", by what conceivable right do these people think they are operating?

Amie messaged me today, and told me that Ayn asked for the "Finding Ayn" photo I made, Ayn knows I am coming to get her, she knows I won't stop. The government has told me from near the beginning (July 4th) they are working to return her to me, it is almost October 4th.... for what? Because you can? Because you're tough? Because you want to see what we'll do? What we will stand for? I am sick of hearing that paramount is my child's best interest... most of these people do not know the first thing about autism and some have the dignity to admit it, and they certainly do not know my daughter. I do.

Give me back my daughter.